am I undeserving?

I yearn for someone to untangle my soul to look me in the eyes and see beyond them, to see my passions, my pain, my ugliness not just my body.. I want someone to understand me wholly I yearn for someone to trace my birthmarks with their fingers I yearn for someone to ask about my scars, so we can laugh about how clumsy I am. I'm afraid I'm unlovable because no one wants more than my body no one wants to look deeper into my eyes I keep hoping, I keep loving, I keep caring, but they only want my legs spread, then they leave. they all show me light in the darkness that I'm trapped in, they show me hope, care, even love, yet they don't expect me to follow the light, I'm just meant to spread my legs and be a 'good girl' I'm afraid I'm unlovable. I've had enough. I'm ready, I want love, I want someone to know me. why can't anyone hear me when I scream into my pillow at night? can't they see my pain? my heart, and soul, full of love. why isn't Cupid sending me someone? am I undeserving?