Am I Afraid?

I'm scared. I admit I'm scared.. .I'm scared and afraid because once my dad shot off that damn gun this years ago it replays in my damn head leaving me for brain dead I don't know what to do and yet I keep having faith that the Lord will provide in some mysterious ways I feel trapped in a damn maze I have no way out. scared to be sleepy because if a teen girl is sleepy, she's considered lazy scared because I don't want to let my parents down because I would do anything In this world to make them proud, to say with happiness "that's my daughter" yet why the fuck do I bother. today my stepdad told me something that made me think "why am I here if you all can't respect me" Made me think of the same damn thing Why am I here if YOU can't give me that same respect.. respect goes both ways, yes I'm a child but for the love of fucking God I'm not dumb... I'm not a grown, I'm not fully aware, I'm not done learning I KNOW THAT but please let me breathe and take a step back, because lately I can't breathe, I feel like I might burst having a break down early in the morning hurts I'm this close and don't know what to do? I'm hoping God can give me a sign soon because at the rate I just might move to the damn moon