Always almost there

A few over 300 days oh, how long it's been! how long I've had to hold on to it how long I believed in it What exactly was it anyways? Time to find out. To me, it'd been over a lifetime Countless millennia far from dystopia. was it a feeling? was it a thought? was it a facade? Why does it seem to waver now? Was it all truly a lie? Am I truly losing it all? Back to nothing again? Did he know? Did he not? stocked questions. scarce answers. It hurts. Do I deserve it? stuck wishing I could disappoint myself But I suppose the voices do speak the truth so I'll state the obvious. Maybe I will. Maybe I won't. I really am stuck to always being. "Almost There". For so long, I yearned for this. giving to the undeserving. needing to find this. This peculiarity my heart beats for. Yet I get so close this one time. But that's all I ever get. Close. @pearls_ink💫💙