alone time

You tell me to go rest, To be alone for a bit, Yet that's what I've been doing, This heavy feeling on my chest, Only relieved talking to you as I take that hit, The way your voice sounds cooing, Take some alone time The way I feel drowned, In my own thoughts, My own prison I've built, The way I've frowned, My head in the alone place rots, Making me smile with a slight head tilt, Take some time alone I get the way you try to help, The way you order me to take time alone, As I slowly fade back into the void that brought me here in the first place, Like I've been hit and formed into a welp, The way I feel like you're my home, Yet it disappears without a trace, Take some time alone The endless feeling of being watched, As if I'm some toy for guys, Looking at me with teenage lust, The markings on this "beautiful" body are botched, Steadily giving out byes, Limiting the ones who I could trust, Take some time alone As this smile and kindness brings attraction, As I pour my trust in the world, Hoping to be safe, It brings these people as a horrifying distraction, Like a blanket I am getting unfurled, It offers something as awful as kaif, Take some time alone As I try to bring myself back to peace, Forgetting slowly bringing my relief, Yet it shoots back up as I close my eyes, I see the faces of those awful guys, Once triggered I can't erase, It leaves me with no grace, Take some time alone Even if that's what you offer, As much as I want to tell you, It bothers me knowing you tell me to keep to myself, Acting like I'm some book on a shelf, Reading me then leaving me not to bother, One day I hope you catch a clue, Take some time alone Feeling like I'm in an empty space, Leaving me with only myself to face, Once yet again, Alone at night with no way to comprehend, Just the 100th writing, Slowly fighting and fighting, When all I wanted to say, That would make you stay, I'm afraid of being alone, With no way home. 💙