addictive pleasure

A strange and confusing feeling of comfort as I feel my heart shrink. I perceive how my heart tightens until its constant pumping stops, halting its sole purpose; bringing the end of everything. A pleasant pain floods my chest, in rhythm with the descent of my heartbeats. I close my eyes, letting myself be carried away by that addictive sensation, that sensation I will never admit I adore. The sensation that the pain guides me, contains me, and accompanies me. I feel comfortable, relaxed, allowing and causing my own deterioration.