A soul never wanted.

I felt like being in a room full of humans but feeling like a furnitore, unseen, unnoticed and ignored. As if surrounding by humans that speak another language and you can never understand. As if being a weed among grases that evrybody refuse to knowledge. Or being under clouds in a cloudy day, waiting for a single streak of thunder , but the clouds didnt care as much as dropping one drop of rain. It feels like as if someone is squeezing your heart so hard that it aches. Not pain but ache. Or a museum that no body visits. An art never admired. A food never tasted. A perfume never smelled. Or a pain never healed. Its like looking around like a green-eyed monster at humans who are togther. Feeling the envy and admiration and sometimes jelousy. Wishing to have a company... But you have yourself but you ignore it too. So lonely that even you dont value it. Not caring about a tressure? What a waste? Lonliness is a painful feeling, but more painful then that is knowing you never lived for your self. Your soul was slave of external reason. Such a waste of life. I dont wana die knowing my soul was slave of others. Thats not living, thats time passing. How can i die poor knowing i had the most expensiv