a painful love

I am a villain in this story where I am your whole world and you are to me a house plant without me you would die but you burden me and my days you are toxic to my cats I will likely outlive you anyway but to throw you away would be a relief and a heartbreak you brighten my day you clear the air in my room you give me something to look forward to but I'm cleaning my cats puke my friends say I should get rid of you and truthfully I agree but you couldn't live without me so you say and it was my fault for taking you in when I know that I knew better without you I am weak with you I am burdened there's no good answer here I want you gone but the thought of my room without you brings more emotions than I'm used to I can't be with you forever I don't work that way but I've given up on so many things what's one more will I always be a quitter? and how cruel of me to think of you as a challenge as a test of my own strength you are a human being and you love me I know it, you show it constantly between the ugliness but I guess I just can't deal how privileged of me when you can't stand in your own and I can't stand you everyone else is on my side why am I on yours? will I lose myself in you or find me