A Main Character

I have never felt I belong to this World nor that I wanted to be in this world. It is not my choice what I do, but what I needed to do. I do the opposite, I act the opposite, I never felt the same, I never had the same. This reasons made me felt more that I never belonged nor that I should act one. However, why can't I just be accepted for who I am, each individuals has their own type of characters and everyone accepted them for who they are. I feel that there is no pity for who I am. Don't I deserve the same pity everyone gets? Am I complicated? Am I difficult to understand? Do I have a knowledge most of peope dont? Or Am I just mental? I feel that everything is not in my favor, I have no people who understands me including my own. They do not hate me for who I am, but for what I do. Now I begin to despise people who judge me. I became worst and worst and I blame the world for it. You may hate me or despise me but always remember that you made your own monster. Now I do not care what others think of me nor that I care of them. I will do what I want. If I can't control how they act, they also can't contol what I do.