A loud silence

" In my head I walk this path I'm in so many different directions but when really I'm only in one. In my head there's many questions to answer but I've lost touch in a way to connect to my thought process. In my head I'm in there like I am here. it's complicated to explain but I feel I'm in between the two. In my head there's a tug of war sometimes I don't even know why I'm pulling so hard. In my head I feel blank inside yet so much going on in it. In my head there's a pain inside that I want to shut out as it doesn't belong there. In my head I know I need to carry myself. In my head I always feel I'm going to run out of time or I'll be too late, for what? I don't know. it's a fear I have. especially when it comes to something I know I really want to say to others and a slight feeling that what if I never am able to so I rush everything. But there's always that question, what if I miss my chance? In my head what if all I feel in the future is pain, what if that's all that will be left? I want to feel happiness I never thought could exist I want to believe it exists beyond this pain inside. "