A life unlived

How come you just get to go to bed without that sinking feeling in your heart. How come you just get to sleep with that feeling, while your soul still weeps. It's really confusing, that you get to rest when I don't have the luxury of putting my head down and feeling peace. I confess, I need something to make me feel I need that release and night time is when it comes. No mask or cover will shelter me Although a blanket can do some, And i let go of control Because i know, It's not me, that runs things. I'm no longer in the drivers seat. And yet i do succumb, Since the Alternative is unbearable, and truly i don't see the meaning of the rules and regulations. The I have to's The you need to's And you must because, If I am to die today, what would have been the difference? I didn't live Did I?