A letter to my father

I hold my breath everytime I think about you.I close my eyes everytime I see your picture flashing bright and dull at the back of my mind and at the corner of my eyes hug the free space everytime I would imagine your presence or atleast the one that was there but taken.snatched by fate. blinked back tears everytime questions flooded in. guess they were too much to process. told myself I'll be okay as time goes by but only to bounce back to step one. pat my shoulders the same way you did just to feel the same way I felt when you held them in once upon a time. now take a pen and draw my heart the same heart you built and made it tough. draw it wide and bright or maybe small and dull. chose the color purple because it reflects on the innocence of the flowers when they start to bloom. .also chose the color purple because it's my favorite color. shade it with red. representing the pain instilled in love hiding the beauty of my heart. now take any color because it doesn't matter what you add red plus purple doesn't make it white no amount of apologies can erase the agony. no amount of color can replace the pureness of my heart before it fell in this dark hole called life. .zenande nkabi.