A letter to my Dad

Dear Dad, Can you see me or can you hear me? why can you not see that most of the damage done to me were slurred words that came at me like knives that hit every time? I never felt good enough because you see that first man to love me belittled me you called me stupid and I still hear those word so loud in my head that I believed them I wondered for years why you couldn't see me I wasn't over emotional Dad I was sick but yet you laughed at me I was in pain but yet I was being dramatic I wonder if the person that is meant to love and hold you made you feel worthless would you cry? why didn't my tears show you I was hurting, or did you just not hear my cries? Was I as invisible as I felt? Did you not hear me. the only time I crossed your mind was when alcohol and misplaced angry were in your aim you would never seen the daughter who made you tea and food and watched as you slept like a mother looking over her child but I was the child I was the child you laughed at and made jokes about because I wasn't good enough for you. I saw 2 sides of you, the man who loved me and danced with me and told me he loved me and that the same man made sure self-worth and self-esteem could not be apart of me Dad can you see me?