a letter for dad

In shadows deep, my heart did sway, The influence of the past, it led the way. Mum's words, a warning, countless times, Yet I, in innocence, walked those lines. I aimed to shield, to mask the pain, In my eyes, you bore no disdain. Glorifying you, my trusted guide, Yet your absence, it couldn't hide. Hurting sisters, trying to decipher, Your cryptic ways, my heart a viper. I did it all, but for no good, in all ways, misunderstood. You were absent when I called, Excuses stacked, as I recalled. Beloved parent, or so I believed, Yet your love, I was deceived. Crying to mum, my tears did flow, "Why's he absent? I need to know. Doesn't he care, love me for real? Am I not worth his love, to feel?" It couldn't be, this painful art, The impact of the past, tearing me apart. Yet the scars upon my soul did grow, Influencing the path I chose to follow. In endless nights, I sought some grace, Carving pain upon life's intricate base. The marks upon my body, true, Revealed the struggle, the journey I'd been through. A father's role, so hard to grasp, In my heart, a question, a lifelong clasp. Yet your love eluded, day by day, Leaving my heart, in shadows, to stay.