A cry for help

I am drowning in deep waters life is definitely not lifing anymore I've reached the end of my misery waking up with bag under my eyes clothes feels too big my breath stinks is this really it? Losing focus I can't stay fit why am I so emotional? when I even jus want to feel loved I mean my parents can't give me it I don't care I don't care about the way I am nor the way I look I just want to feel better atleast for now. Where did everyone go???? am I really alone am just gonna check my phone it's my birthday in 7 days omg is this for real I don't care stills because nobody has texted my phone ohhh where's my razor I can't find it the hell is going on the one thing that can help me is even missing now. Instead am going on tik tok let me try the deodorant and towel method. I am seeing a dark place it feels cold what's this feeling can someone explain I think I've found my healing. Now let's do this instead atleast I will be at rest....