5:45 am addicted

why do I wanna fall down and cry wishing and hoping for someone to hold me tight as my tears fall like the rain. missing the old me but can't find the strength to put drugs down, been high so long don't know how to leave without it. cuts up and down my arms a reminder of the pain that lives in me. no escape from self-hatred, only a temporary one. the thought of being clean is unsettling, feeling the weight of everything at once.