2am thoughts .

2am and im laying here with my thoughts all in my mind thinking of all those depressive episodes i fought. sometimes i think i deserve to be sad.. all the time i force myself to be happy, but it always ends up being bad. I'm tired of cutting until my arms feel numb covering myself in 90 degree weather I want to get help but i dont want to sound dumb. what would go through their heads if i told them i dont know whats wrong im just sad for no reason.. at first i just thought it was just only the month of may.. but I been feeling like this all 4 seasons.