173th: A devotion

Life plays its little tricks on me. Last night, I broke; quiet tears over a friend who walked beside her lover while my heart stayed hidden in my chest. But this morning, the world softened, and some small, calming scenery made me forget the ache for a moment. I don’t know why it’s so hard to walk away from her. She drifts back into my days as if nothing ever cracked between us, as if my silence isn’t heavy, as if I’m not the only one learning to understand her all over again. And God, it’s exhausting. Tiring in a way that settles deep behind my eyes, a headache I carry like a second pulse. Why can’t we return to strangers; to the safety of not knowing, before love made everything so painfully loud? I love her. More than I ever meant to. More than three years should allow. Sincerely, Someone who loved a friend far too quietly.