0424 AM.

i awake at midnight an aching pain in my body, a metallic flavor on my tongue i could feel death; a lump in my throat. my eyes flutter and instantly shut, the light burning them as i slowly come to. the day after i attempted to kill myself, i lost all feeling. it felt out of place, destined to be wrong. the first thing i do is check my phone to be met with an empty screen. 4:24 AM. i slowly rise to my feet, taking slow, offput steps, pain shoots through me in waves. nauseous feelings in my stomach, my breathing shallow and labored, my eyes are blurry, uncoordinated. i finally reach the bathroom, staring myself in the mirror. i dont feel anything at the moment. my eyes don't recognize myself i see dark figures in the corners of my eyes i look much paler than before. i couldn't feel myself. nor my breath, my precense, i felt a void. my own anguish is against me, as i've seen before in my nightmares; my hands grabbing and clawing at my skin, my own flesh and guts, ripping my own worthless heart to shreds. i feel dead. i wonder if i am dead. is this what it feels like? but i can still feel my heart pumping blood through my body, despite how cold it felt. out, and in, i listen to it silently. it hurts, too.