0003.0

as I lay my head with heavy eyes I can't stop thinking about all the things I have done this life I just wish I wasn't born most of the time it just feels like your punishing me for existing when I was supposed to be dead, so instead of me being dead you decided to make me dead on the inside I hate you most of the time for all the shit I had to endure i still think your punishment for me, is to die alone an miserable I just don't really get why you had to make me like this one thing I wanted in the world was the ability to connect emotional with someone instead of just patterns it just seems one thing after next in my life isn't it about my time to count my punishment as time served allow me to heal and be able to connect emotional with that angel the only happy memories I have is with someone my subconscious picked I hate to say it but I have no idea if it's love or not it felt real to me the only one that's every been able to make me cry you'd be the first one ever to do that after making a connection